Tips To Prepare You For Chinese New Year Interrogations
Beware. A red storm is coming in the form of all your kepo relatives.
Big celebrations bring big and inappropriate questions… There is no option to avoid so the only thing you have to do is to respond accordingly.
Now, we still want to see you get your ang pao’s and enjoy yourselves, so we’ve prepared a template to answering them without ruining your CNY celebrations (hopefully)!
1. “Why so big already still no girlfriend ah?”
You walk into the living room with your plate of bak kwa, feeling safe, feeling confident, and then Auntie Karen spots you from across the room like a heat-seeking missile. “Ah boy ah, you have girlfriend already or not?“
The Solution
What you can say: “Too many girls… too little time. “
Extra angpow response: “Hahahaha, I’m currently dedicated to my career.”
2. “When Are You Getting Married?”
The moment you sit down with your pineapple tart, here comes Auntie Karen with her weapon (mouth), asking you, when are you putting the ring or getting the ring.
The Solution
What you can say: “I am… You just weren’t invited to the wedding”
Extra angpow response: “Why Auntie, are you planning on paying for my wedding? Hahaha “
3. “When Are You Getting A Baby?”
The question your relatives deploy after you’ve survived everything else. Now they’re looking at your stomach like it’s a progress bar stuck at 0%.
We get it. Our reproductive timeline is apparently public property during CNY. The thing is, nobody actually wants to hear the real answer.
The Solution
What you can say: “Sorry lor, TGV Cinemas has CCTV cameras on during showtimes.”
Extra angpow response: “I’m also still a baby have to take care of myself first.”
4. “How Come You’ve Put On Weight?”
Oh you thought it would get easier? WRONG! Here comes the bodyshaming train…
Once Auntie and Uncle Karen spot you even sniffing the food, they’re ready to release their canon.
The Solution
What you can say: “You were my body goal for this year ah!”
Extra angpow response: “More to love!”
5. “How Much Are You Earning Now?”
Privacy is a myth in a Chinese household. Prepare to have that invaded like it’s free estate during CNY.
Due to their competitiveness, they would LOVE to know your salary so they can potentially stroke their ego if theirs are higher.
The Solution
What you can say: “Why uncle you need a loan?”
Extra angpow response: “Enough to go watch all the CNY movies at TGV this week!”
6. “Why you never bring me to the cinema?”
Once your family checks off all the CNY to-do list, boomers tend to get super bored.
Annoying questions asked, but the urge to annoy you continues. What they’ll do is put a virtual gun to your head and force you to bring them to the cinemas.
The Solution
What you can say: “Sien la, a lot of people. Go ask Jie Jie to bring you”
Extra angpow response: “Okay, let’s go to TGV Cinemas.”
Note to readers: This article is purely satirical (WE LOVE YOU GONG GONGs and POPOs! What is CNY without some fun and laughter!
Also, if you love fun festive promos and activities, TGV Cinemas is always fresh with updates here!
